Deep Living I’ve been frantically trying to figure out what I want to do next. What is my real passion, my “right livelihood”? It seems like by age 59 I should actually know , but it seems to have eluded me so far. This morning it came to me that my real passion is “deep living”. To be able to sit down, breathe, and to take actions that feel like they come from way down inside me somewhere. Not things that just float through my mind, or things that will fill the time until the next activity. Not stuff that I “should” do or “must” do. But things that will connect to my inner essence, that will make me feel alive and vibrant. Like I haven’t wasted that day or that moment. I know that this might make parts of me impatient. Some parts of me want to have goals, objectives and purpose. They want to do research and make progress. They even want to make changes in the world and have an impact. These parts look around and see how messed up things are, and they think that the way to change it is to have plans, strategies and organize people around a goal. They want to DO SOMETHING! These strategies and activities are great- if they come from one’s center. I can imagine doing all of those things later on. But for now, I want to just rest and listen. Listen for impulses, for what the world needs from me, for people I need to connect with and activities that will feed me. Then I can help to feed others. My parts are pretty much ok with this- for now. It would be good to have one firm direction to travel in instead of the myriad possibilities I tend to think of each day. I want to settle down and listen first. Then maybe my actions will have more purpose, meaning and depth. Shalom, Karen

Blessings! I want to share something I discovered this week- a blessing that helps me feel more alive and invigorated. It is adapted from an old Unity blessing. You are welcome to adapt it or use it however you want. See if it seems to feel good in your body also. The light of Love surrounds me and all my parts. The tenderness of Love enfolds me and all my parts. The power of Love flows through me and all my parts. The presence of Love enlightens me and all my parts. Wherever I am, Love is.

Weekly Thoughts- Who's in charge right now?

It is the New Year, and I am trying something new this year of 2012. I'm going to try to write a "thought for the week" each Sunday, as kind of a spiritual/emotional practice. I invite replies and dialogue. Welcome to the new and improved Workingwithparts blog! Who's In Charge Right Now? I realized this morning that this phrase might help me to step back from whatever part has taken over and just rest fora few moments. Which part is here right now? What does this part want and need? What would my wise Self say about what I'm doing? I've had a nearly lifelong quest for wisdom to guide my thoughts and actions. I've been through lots of different methods of seeking that wisdom. In childhood I remember reading lots of books, partly to get away from my surroundings, but also partly to see if I could find some guidance for my life. I loved reading dramatic stories fromt the past, as well as typical girl books like horse stories and Trixie Belden mysteries. I loved how perfectly things worked out in those books! Too bad my life wasn't really in synch with them, wasn't it? As a teenager I sometimes just abandoned quests for wisdom for quests for love. Discovering there were other people in the world who could love me was heavenly- until those people broke up with me (or vice versa). I carried my codependent tendencies into my relationships, and my main goal was often to please whoever I was with at the moment. Not a great source for wisdom, I was to find. In my 20's and early 30's I turned to my job to be my main source of wisdom. I mainly tried to do A GOOD JOB, and things were ok until I realized that what some people considered a good job, other people considered to be insubstantial fooling around. This confused me so much I finally just quit working for a while and stayed home with children instead. In my 30's and early 40's I relied on mothering to carry me through life. I figured if I was a "good mother" that would make up for any mistakes I'd made during my earlier periods. However, anyone who has parented knows that relying on your kids for your happiness is very unreliable- they tend to have their own needs and wants, which don't match what their parents want to supply very often at all! Now I'm in my 50's and realize that lots of the time I've been fooling myself. It isn't wise to wait on people, or overwork, or even to always try to be kind or a good mom. All of those ambitions come with their own traps. And none will make me happy for long. So now I'm trying to recognize 3 things: 1. Is what I'm doing right now healthy/growing or unhealthy/destructive? 2. If it is destructive, what part of me is showing that it needs something? 3. How can I meet those needs in a healthy way? Maybe if I ask the question "Who's in charge right now"? during my day it will help me answer those 3 questions. We will see this week. I will check in next week with the answers and a new phrase to test out. Have a good start to your 2012! Karen

Strategies for daily work with parts

Hi all, I am back, and wanting to connect with other people who work with parts of themselves. Since I've been trained in this inner parts work- first in Psychosynthesis and later in Inner Family Systems- I've felt a yearning to share these concepts with others. I've been greatly helped by knowing that I have different parts inside with sometimes contradictory needs, and that I can help these parts (and thereby my whole self) through working with and healing them. So I want to share this huge discovery with others. But more than that, I feel kind of lonely because these concepts are so completely different from how most people think about things. A friend of mine learned about parts and then told me there should be a 900 number for people who want to talk in this new way and not be thrown into an institution. He said that company would make lots of money! I've come up with several questions that I'd like to discuss. I will post 1 each week. I will also share one thing I have learned about that question for my life, and one challenge I would like help with. If you feel so called, please respond with suggestions of your own. I am a perennial student, with lots of room to grow. Question: What daily strategies or practices help you deal with your different parts? What helps you make it through the day in a healthy manner? My best strategy; I am learning to notice when I feel panic somewhere in my body. This is usually a cue that there is a part that is worried about something- and I have no concious idea what it is. I try to take a few minutes as soon as possible to ask what that part is scared will happen, and then to respond as a parent would in reassuring a child. For example, I suddenly was nervous about insurance this morning- I have a policy that might expire soon. I realize that part of me is worried that I made a BIG MISTAKE, and that it might harm my children. These are 2 vulnerable areas for me (mistakes, hurting children). I thanked the part for sharing, and promised to look into this issue today. That's all it took to loosen the anxiety - for now. My question: I am facing a pretty impossible workload on my job. There aren't enough hours in the day to finish all the things I feel I need to do. What are some strategies people have used to work with parts and deal with problems like this? Thanks and blessings! Karen

New website and new online game opportunity

Greetings and hope your summer has been cooler than mine!

I have been working on a new idea for sharing information about parts, so I've been "offline" from the group for a while. How are people doing? I'm building a website called holistic-stress-management-coach.com - only 1 page now, more coming soon. It will try to translate parts work into stress management language- or something like that. We shall see!

Checkin-
Summer is sometimes difficult for me as a teacher (believe it or not). I am excited at the beginning , with many plans of what I want to accomplish, but always a fear at the back of my mind (another part) that knows it won't all get done! Then in the middle or end of summer I get rather depressed- it's all over, and stress is coming back bigtime.

This year I've done work on myself over the summer that I hope will make the school year better. I've learned how to spot stress when I experience it, how to identify which parts are upset more quickly and help them feel better in the short- and long-term. I've gotten back to a morning system- writing about parts/feelings, saying parts principles each day, and meditating each day. I think these are a good combination.

Online Parts Board Game Offered!

I am thinking of offering a parts game online experience. I invented a board game about different parts that is intended to help people get to know parts they don't know very well, while also hearing about and supporting others and their parts. And doing it all in a fun way. Kay Gardner, my level 1 teacher, played it and said it was "brilliant". I have found a way to play it online and am wondering if anyone would be interested in helping me "beta test" it- see what you think, what suggestions you might have to improve both the game and the online delivery system.

I would do it in my online "office" in Elluminate- I would send people a link, and you would see a game board and "cards" when you follow it. TO play you would be able to "hop" your piece around the board and draw cards to answer questions. If there were sound problems I would also supply a phone number for people (sometimes sound can be a problem depending on your internet connection). If a number of people wanted to try we could even make different virtual "rooms" and divide the group.

Working with Parts helps relationships too!

This week I went on a school 2-day Spring Celebration field trip with my school. At the end of day 1 I found that I somehow reverted to a "self" I rarely inhabit- very outgoing (for me), talkative, trying to be useful and helpful whenever possible. By evening I realized I was exhausted and very much needed some down time. I also realized I felt lonely in a crowd, like I didn't belong there.

I tried to figure out what that was coming from, as it's a familiar feeling from my past. What I realized was that I had totally neglected all but my extravert/helpful part all day long, and so all the other parts were upset and needy. I took some time by myself (in the bathroom, as I had 2 students rooming in my room!) to write and do a mini meditation. That helped a lot. I began to feel more connected- not only to myself, but to the people around me. I didn't need to talk nonstop to connect with them, I mainly needed to connect with myself first!

The second day we went to an amusement park, and since I felt more whole I was able to sense what I needed. I suggested going on the ferris wheel (my favorite ride) and I ended up in a whole crowd of others who wanted that also. I was even the "brave one" on that ride- it was my native element (I like being above and looking down) while others were more used to roller coasters but didn't like hanging above it all for periods of time. I felt very proud :)

Then I saw there was an IMax movie about waves, and asked a student if she wanted to see it. We both loved the scenery and learning about surfing.

I'm so happy that connecting with myself has such a wonderful byproduct. It was my most enjoyable Spring Celebration ever!

sources of inspiration

I've been finding and reminding myself of some cool, inspiring sources lately.

One of them is Workaholics anonymous. These are 2 of the "tools" of WA:

Accepting

> We accept the outcomes of our endeavors, whatever the
> results, whatever the timing. We know that impatience, rushing and
> insisting on perfect results only slow down our recovery. We are gentle
> with our efforts, knowing that our new way of living requires much
> practice.
>
> Asking
>
> We admit our weaknesses and mistakes. We
> realize we don't have to do everything ourselves, and we ask our Higher
> Power and others for help.

Parts of me struggle with this "accepting" thing. I try to make people happy often, and sometimes they are disappointed or angry instead. Their parts are reacting in ways I hadn't foreseen, and my parts then react to their reactions. I am coming to realize that maybe I can't see what is the best thing for them- maybe this event will be helpful for them in the long run. And maybe it will also be helpful for me- partly in seeing that someone else can be upset with me and I will still survive- and they will still love me! Self energy can help me see bigger pictures here.

Asking for help is difficult for me- I like to be the helper, not the helpee. My first goal is to realize when I'm in a part and ask for parts to step aside so I can have more Self energy present. Then I'm working with my parts to allow my relationships to be more mutual- sometimes I help, sometimes others do. Seems more egalitarian than the way I'm doing it now.

My last inspiring source is a new book by Mary Steege, with interviews of Richard Schwartz called THE SPIRIT-LED LIFE. Her writing is a bit more religious than I like, as she is a minister (although a truly seeking one). But the interview with Dick is wonderful. The last approximately 50 pages of the book contains an interview with Dick about spirituality and IFS. He clarifies some things for me, including the centrality of Self-leadership. He talks about how parts might use different religious concepts for their own purposes, and also about how IFS is essentially working with parts the same way Jesus said to work with people- forgiveness, understanding, generosity, etc. I love the thoughtfulness and thorougness of his answers, and I highly recommend reading at least the last part of this book!

As for my checkin- I am verrry gradually learning how it feels to be Self-led. It feels different both from when my parts lead (very insecure, worries at the back or front of my mind) and also from my old "meditate everything away" self (when I simply denied feelings and meditated instead). When issues come up I am more able to have inner conversations and calm down rather than bliss out. I'm using body signals- tightness, stomach upset- to signal when I need to connect with an upset part. Then I do a quick conversation with the part and give it what I can then, promising more later (I need to work on DOING the more later!)

I'd like to hear some stories from others- what is self leadership to you? What helps you to get/stay there?

Happy spring- it has even finally reached Minnesota!

Karen