I am realizing that my habitual state of being is rather frantic. I almost always have some distraction in front of me- tv, books, newspaper, public radio, etc. etc.
I think that is partly because otherwise I am at the mercy of my inner critics. There is one part nagging "you should be".... and another part saying "you shouldn't have..." . So I think the distractions keep those thoughts at bay.
Yesterday I turned off tv while I exercised (for a while) and today I closed my magazine while brushing my teeth. I want to heal those critic parts so they don't feel they NEED to nag or criticize. I will try to work with them this weekend. We shall see! I am going to try using new tools- specifically app on my phone- to write down lists so I don't need to keep them in my head. And I have JOTT, where I can talk on the phone and get trascript sent to my e-mail. I am going to try to use that for business ideas. Hopefully that will relax my frantic mind a bit and let me enjoy where I am- for once! :)
Newest business name: Mentor Your Selves: Help all your inner parts feel relaxed, confident and loved.
What do you think? The first part came from a friend who says mentoring is popular right now and that sounds comforting :) Thanks, Wendy!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Untangled Mind
Untangled Mind is an idea for a business name for my work with inner parts. One blog reply asked for a catchier name- does this do it? It describes how I often see this work: it feels like I have lots of tangled-up webs of feelings/thoughts/parts inside me, and I am learning to patiently (or not so patiently:) untangle them. I'd appreciate feedback.
This morning, for instance, I was wanting to mainly work on business ideas and even design some curriculum for my new class for teens. However, before I could start I was visited by a construction person who said we should tear out large parts of our front entryway because of the water damage from the winter's ice dam.
Immediate panic followed. This is an area I know little about, it involves lots of money, and I'm not sure who I can trust. A bad combination, especially for the perfectionist part of me who expects me to know all about everything and make perfect decisions at all times. The perfectionist triggers parts of me that feel worthless, as well as parts that procrastinate when I'm uncertain what steps to take next. A difficult mess to untangle!
I did some breathing and writing, which led to phoning a support person ( a wonderful suggestion). One of the best things I did was go back to my Inner Critic questionnaire, which asked what that part thinks would happen if I made a mistake. Some of the "dangers" are somewhat real (living with mold, spending way too much money) but some are emotional baggage (losing respect/love). I was able to sort through these issues and untangle at least a little bit of my emotional web.
The inner critic questionnaire is pretty cool, as is the ability to follow up and profile my particular inner critic and also my inner champion (parts that can answer the criticism). It is available here: http://www.personal-growth-programs.com/the-inner-critic .
Best wishes in your own untangling process!
This morning, for instance, I was wanting to mainly work on business ideas and even design some curriculum for my new class for teens. However, before I could start I was visited by a construction person who said we should tear out large parts of our front entryway because of the water damage from the winter's ice dam.
Immediate panic followed. This is an area I know little about, it involves lots of money, and I'm not sure who I can trust. A bad combination, especially for the perfectionist part of me who expects me to know all about everything and make perfect decisions at all times. The perfectionist triggers parts of me that feel worthless, as well as parts that procrastinate when I'm uncertain what steps to take next. A difficult mess to untangle!
I did some breathing and writing, which led to phoning a support person ( a wonderful suggestion). One of the best things I did was go back to my Inner Critic questionnaire, which asked what that part thinks would happen if I made a mistake. Some of the "dangers" are somewhat real (living with mold, spending way too much money) but some are emotional baggage (losing respect/love). I was able to sort through these issues and untangle at least a little bit of my emotional web.
The inner critic questionnaire is pretty cool, as is the ability to follow up and profile my particular inner critic and also my inner champion (parts that can answer the criticism). It is available here: http://www.personal-growth-programs.com/the-inner-critic .
Best wishes in your own untangling process!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Focusing on parts
Greetings! I hope things are going well with you and your working with parts.
I realized today that one of my main goals right now is to get better at working with my own parts. I am noticing periods of time when I blast right through feelings rather than processing them. I sometimes go for hours on adrenaline energy rather than feeling calm and centered. This state of unease disrupts my sleep, disturbs my stomach, and makes me feel vaguely nervous much of the time.
For the next 30 days I am going to emphasize parts as one of my main concerns. How are my parts doing? What do I need to make sure I do/think about/remember before I finish my day? It's like the top thing on my "to do" list is communicate with parts and make sure I am attempting to be centered.
I also realized today that I won't do this perfectly, and all my parts felt happier once I accepted this. It's hard to get into new habits, and this centering/parts communicating habit is very new. So even if I go 2 steps forward and 3 back, I am encouraged that there is movement. And that I am noticing movement in this new direction.
How do others remember to listen and center? I don't want to only listen to parts, or only meditate/center. I want to do both, in order to be more whole.
One strategy from today: notice body cues about tension. My shoulders have been very sore from being in a defensive position so much. I want to know about my tense parts, and also be able to relax them. So this week I'll try to work with tense parts and also relaxation of shoulders. I'll check in next week with results.
How is your working with parts going? Any clues or cues you could share?
Thanks,
Karen
I realized today that one of my main goals right now is to get better at working with my own parts. I am noticing periods of time when I blast right through feelings rather than processing them. I sometimes go for hours on adrenaline energy rather than feeling calm and centered. This state of unease disrupts my sleep, disturbs my stomach, and makes me feel vaguely nervous much of the time.
For the next 30 days I am going to emphasize parts as one of my main concerns. How are my parts doing? What do I need to make sure I do/think about/remember before I finish my day? It's like the top thing on my "to do" list is communicate with parts and make sure I am attempting to be centered.
I also realized today that I won't do this perfectly, and all my parts felt happier once I accepted this. It's hard to get into new habits, and this centering/parts communicating habit is very new. So even if I go 2 steps forward and 3 back, I am encouraged that there is movement. And that I am noticing movement in this new direction.
How do others remember to listen and center? I don't want to only listen to parts, or only meditate/center. I want to do both, in order to be more whole.
One strategy from today: notice body cues about tension. My shoulders have been very sore from being in a defensive position so much. I want to know about my tense parts, and also be able to relax them. So this week I'll try to work with tense parts and also relaxation of shoulders. I'll check in next week with results.
How is your working with parts going? Any clues or cues you could share?
Thanks,
Karen
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Feelings during the work day
I have been trying to start an online support group (it's at http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/partsarecool/ if you're interested in joining).
What I realized is that I'm often the only person posting. That said, it seems more like a blog than a support group. So I decided to put some time and energy into the blog instead.
I am getting better at sensing when part of me is upset. I often feel kind of panicky inside, but what I've learned in the past is to ignore that feeling and instead just get busy- watch tv, do some work, go for a walk, worry about work, etc.
This week I tried to actually deal with that feeling soon after it came up. I realized one day that I messed up at work, and then part of me got very worried. When I sat quietly and asked why, it turned out that that part thought I would get fired and starve. I reassured the part that 1 mistake won't get me fired. I immediately felt calmer, and I again realized that it works so much better to find out about the feeling during the day than to wake up with it in the middle of the night.
I'm interested in others' experience of dealing with feelings during the day. How do others do it?
Thx,
Karen
What I realized is that I'm often the only person posting. That said, it seems more like a blog than a support group. So I decided to put some time and energy into the blog instead.
I am getting better at sensing when part of me is upset. I often feel kind of panicky inside, but what I've learned in the past is to ignore that feeling and instead just get busy- watch tv, do some work, go for a walk, worry about work, etc.
This week I tried to actually deal with that feeling soon after it came up. I realized one day that I messed up at work, and then part of me got very worried. When I sat quietly and asked why, it turned out that that part thought I would get fired and starve. I reassured the part that 1 mistake won't get me fired. I immediately felt calmer, and I again realized that it works so much better to find out about the feeling during the day than to wake up with it in the middle of the night.
I'm interested in others' experience of dealing with feelings during the day. How do others do it?
Thx,
Karen
Thursday, July 29, 2010
I slipped!
This week I have pretty much ignored parts work (but it's only Thursday- so I have 3 days to "recover" :) I've been watching lots of tv, reading, swimming, but not because those were things I decided to do. They were used to fill my time because parts of me were feeling pressured.
I am on summer break from teaching. I often conduct a mad dash to do all the things I feel I "should" do- and many parts are tugging at me to make sure I include their things.
Today I am determined to become more balanced and centered. I read my 14 principles this morning and wrote in my journal. I am working on things for my book and not watching so much tv. I am determined to listen to ALL my parts today- at least as much as possible.
Let me know how you are doing with your parts this week.
Ciao,
Karen
I am on summer break from teaching. I often conduct a mad dash to do all the things I feel I "should" do- and many parts are tugging at me to make sure I include their things.
Today I am determined to become more balanced and centered. I read my 14 principles this morning and wrote in my journal. I am working on things for my book and not watching so much tv. I am determined to listen to ALL my parts today- at least as much as possible.
Let me know how you are doing with your parts this week.
Ciao,
Karen
Saturday, July 10, 2010
New Tool and New opportunities
Last post I promised to review a computer program, "IFS Insight", published by the Center for Self Leadership. I will do that, as well as to share different opportunities for learning about parts and being supported in your work.
I am a parts educator and coach, helping people to learn about and work with their own parts. I am beginning to offer information and support to the wider community, while also gathering wonderful progress stories from you all; eventually I want to write a book about the many benefits of parts work. Here are some ways we could interact:
1. This blog- you can subscribe by "following " the blog, and also write comments at the bottom.
2. Partsarecool- There is a group on Yahoo groups in which people can find useful tools and dialogue about working with parts. The website is http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/partsarecool/ , and you need to join Yahoo groups to belong to this group.
3. 14 principles- I can send you these or you can download. It contains ome suggested goals in working with parts. E-mail wsdmnature@gmail.com if you want a copy.
4. Parts game- I have developed a board game. A paper version is available now for $10. We are working on ideas for publishing.
5. Survey- This is for people who have benefitted from parts work. What areas have you benefitted from? I'm collecting stories and data. The website is here: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=P5gnIAI89i0sVyOmZE0t4A%3d%3d
6. Other cool websites:
http://www.selfleadership.org/ center for self leadership home site- training, etc especially for therapists.
http://www.personal-growth-programs.com/ Jay Earley offers IFS classes and groups for the general public. He also wrote the book "Self Therapy".
http://innerkids.net/index.html - Jacui Bishop and Mary Grunte wrote a book which will be reissued this winter - "How to Love Yourself When You Don't Know How" about parts.
Finally, I love the program IFS Insight. I can write down notes from journals and inner work sessions. I can also hold "conferences" with different parts, trying to make major decisions about my life by asking all my parts what they need in that particular area. And I can even choose pictures to represent these parts. The program has different sections, including notes, diagrams of parts, parts lists (with characteristics), and a conference section where you import the parts and then carry out a dialogue with them around a certain topic. The notes sections have places for dreams and trailheads also. For therapists (if you choose the therapist version) you can keep track of many different clients (billing, sessions, etc) as well as e-mailing notes securely back and forth. You can download a 30 day free trial at http://www.peartreesoftware.com/ . The client version is $69, the therapist version is $149.
I am a parts educator and coach, helping people to learn about and work with their own parts. I am beginning to offer information and support to the wider community, while also gathering wonderful progress stories from you all; eventually I want to write a book about the many benefits of parts work. Here are some ways we could interact:
1. This blog- you can subscribe by "following " the blog, and also write comments at the bottom.
2. Partsarecool- There is a group on Yahoo groups in which people can find useful tools and dialogue about working with parts. The website is http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/partsarecool/ , and you need to join Yahoo groups to belong to this group.
3. 14 principles- I can send you these or you can download. It contains ome suggested goals in working with parts. E-mail wsdmnature@gmail.com if you want a copy.
4. Parts game- I have developed a board game. A paper version is available now for $10. We are working on ideas for publishing.
5. Survey- This is for people who have benefitted from parts work. What areas have you benefitted from? I'm collecting stories and data. The website is here: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=P5gnIAI89i0sVyOmZE0t4A%3d%3d
6. Other cool websites:
http://www.selfleadership.org/ center for self leadership home site- training, etc especially for therapists.
http://www.personal-growth-programs.com/ Jay Earley offers IFS classes and groups for the general public. He also wrote the book "Self Therapy".
http://innerkids.net/index.html - Jacui Bishop and Mary Grunte wrote a book which will be reissued this winter - "How to Love Yourself When You Don't Know How" about parts.
Finally, I love the program IFS Insight. I can write down notes from journals and inner work sessions. I can also hold "conferences" with different parts, trying to make major decisions about my life by asking all my parts what they need in that particular area. And I can even choose pictures to represent these parts. The program has different sections, including notes, diagrams of parts, parts lists (with characteristics), and a conference section where you import the parts and then carry out a dialogue with them around a certain topic. The notes sections have places for dreams and trailheads also. For therapists (if you choose the therapist version) you can keep track of many different clients (billing, sessions, etc) as well as e-mailing notes securely back and forth. You can download a 30 day free trial at http://www.peartreesoftware.com/ . The client version is $69, the therapist version is $149.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
July 4th reflections
Holidays are tricky. Parts of us have memories- of wonder, or dreams, or sad family gatherings, or probably all of the above. There are the idealized pictures of the holiday on tv, and the real disappointment some of us had when trying to live up to them in real life.
Today I'm going to try to find out what my parts need. One need seems to be nostalgia- looking at old pictures, remembering past times. Another need is to do something meaningful- write things (thus , this blog), plan some actions that I can take this week to make a contribution to the world. And I have a need for fun and frolic! :)
I will make plans to fill these needs in the next few hours. Hope you have a good holiday and meet your own needs also. Imagine our country if we all were a little more connected with our own deeper needs in a consistent way.
Have a good 4th!
Karen
Today I'm going to try to find out what my parts need. One need seems to be nostalgia- looking at old pictures, remembering past times. Another need is to do something meaningful- write things (thus , this blog), plan some actions that I can take this week to make a contribution to the world. And I have a need for fun and frolic! :)
I will make plans to fill these needs in the next few hours. Hope you have a good holiday and meet your own needs also. Imagine our country if we all were a little more connected with our own deeper needs in a consistent way.
Have a good 4th!
Karen
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