This week I went on a school 2-day Spring Celebration field trip with my school. At the end of day 1 I found that I somehow reverted to a "self" I rarely inhabit- very outgoing (for me), talkative, trying to be useful and helpful whenever possible. By evening I realized I was exhausted and very much needed some down time. I also realized I felt lonely in a crowd, like I didn't belong there.
I tried to figure out what that was coming from, as it's a familiar feeling from my past. What I realized was that I had totally neglected all but my extravert/helpful part all day long, and so all the other parts were upset and needy. I took some time by myself (in the bathroom, as I had 2 students rooming in my room!) to write and do a mini meditation. That helped a lot. I began to feel more connected- not only to myself, but to the people around me. I didn't need to talk nonstop to connect with them, I mainly needed to connect with myself first!
The second day we went to an amusement park, and since I felt more whole I was able to sense what I needed. I suggested going on the ferris wheel (my favorite ride) and I ended up in a whole crowd of others who wanted that also. I was even the "brave one" on that ride- it was my native element (I like being above and looking down) while others were more used to roller coasters but didn't like hanging above it all for periods of time. I felt very proud :)
Then I saw there was an IMax movie about waves, and asked a student if she wanted to see it. We both loved the scenery and learning about surfing.
I'm so happy that connecting with myself has such a wonderful byproduct. It was my most enjoyable Spring Celebration ever!
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
sources of inspiration
I've been finding and reminding myself of some cool, inspiring sources lately.
One of them is Workaholics anonymous. These are 2 of the "tools" of WA:
Accepting
> We accept the outcomes of our endeavors, whatever the
> results, whatever the timing. We know that impatience, rushing and
> insisting on perfect results only slow down our recovery. We are gentle
> with our efforts, knowing that our new way of living requires much
> practice.
>
> Asking
>
> We admit our weaknesses and mistakes. We
> realize we don't have to do everything ourselves, and we ask our Higher
> Power and others for help.
Parts of me struggle with this "accepting" thing. I try to make people happy often, and sometimes they are disappointed or angry instead. Their parts are reacting in ways I hadn't foreseen, and my parts then react to their reactions. I am coming to realize that maybe I can't see what is the best thing for them- maybe this event will be helpful for them in the long run. And maybe it will also be helpful for me- partly in seeing that someone else can be upset with me and I will still survive- and they will still love me! Self energy can help me see bigger pictures here.
Asking for help is difficult for me- I like to be the helper, not the helpee. My first goal is to realize when I'm in a part and ask for parts to step aside so I can have more Self energy present. Then I'm working with my parts to allow my relationships to be more mutual- sometimes I help, sometimes others do. Seems more egalitarian than the way I'm doing it now.
My last inspiring source is a new book by Mary Steege, with interviews of Richard Schwartz called THE SPIRIT-LED LIFE. Her writing is a bit more religious than I like, as she is a minister (although a truly seeking one). But the interview with Dick is wonderful. The last approximately 50 pages of the book contains an interview with Dick about spirituality and IFS. He clarifies some things for me, including the centrality of Self-leadership. He talks about how parts might use different religious concepts for their own purposes, and also about how IFS is essentially working with parts the same way Jesus said to work with people- forgiveness, understanding, generosity, etc. I love the thoughtfulness and thorougness of his answers, and I highly recommend reading at least the last part of this book!
As for my checkin- I am verrry gradually learning how it feels to be Self-led. It feels different both from when my parts lead (very insecure, worries at the back or front of my mind) and also from my old "meditate everything away" self (when I simply denied feelings and meditated instead). When issues come up I am more able to have inner conversations and calm down rather than bliss out. I'm using body signals- tightness, stomach upset- to signal when I need to connect with an upset part. Then I do a quick conversation with the part and give it what I can then, promising more later (I need to work on DOING the more later!)
I'd like to hear some stories from others- what is self leadership to you? What helps you to get/stay there?
Happy spring- it has even finally reached Minnesota!
Karen
One of them is Workaholics anonymous. These are 2 of the "tools" of WA:
Accepting
> We accept the outcomes of our endeavors, whatever the
> results, whatever the timing. We know that impatience, rushing and
> insisting on perfect results only slow down our recovery. We are gentle
> with our efforts, knowing that our new way of living requires much
> practice.
>
> Asking
>
> We admit our weaknesses and mistakes. We
> realize we don't have to do everything ourselves, and we ask our Higher
> Power and others for help.
Parts of me struggle with this "accepting" thing. I try to make people happy often, and sometimes they are disappointed or angry instead. Their parts are reacting in ways I hadn't foreseen, and my parts then react to their reactions. I am coming to realize that maybe I can't see what is the best thing for them- maybe this event will be helpful for them in the long run. And maybe it will also be helpful for me- partly in seeing that someone else can be upset with me and I will still survive- and they will still love me! Self energy can help me see bigger pictures here.
Asking for help is difficult for me- I like to be the helper, not the helpee. My first goal is to realize when I'm in a part and ask for parts to step aside so I can have more Self energy present. Then I'm working with my parts to allow my relationships to be more mutual- sometimes I help, sometimes others do. Seems more egalitarian than the way I'm doing it now.
My last inspiring source is a new book by Mary Steege, with interviews of Richard Schwartz called THE SPIRIT-LED LIFE. Her writing is a bit more religious than I like, as she is a minister (although a truly seeking one). But the interview with Dick is wonderful. The last approximately 50 pages of the book contains an interview with Dick about spirituality and IFS. He clarifies some things for me, including the centrality of Self-leadership. He talks about how parts might use different religious concepts for their own purposes, and also about how IFS is essentially working with parts the same way Jesus said to work with people- forgiveness, understanding, generosity, etc. I love the thoughtfulness and thorougness of his answers, and I highly recommend reading at least the last part of this book!
As for my checkin- I am verrry gradually learning how it feels to be Self-led. It feels different both from when my parts lead (very insecure, worries at the back or front of my mind) and also from my old "meditate everything away" self (when I simply denied feelings and meditated instead). When issues come up I am more able to have inner conversations and calm down rather than bliss out. I'm using body signals- tightness, stomach upset- to signal when I need to connect with an upset part. Then I do a quick conversation with the part and give it what I can then, promising more later (I need to work on DOING the more later!)
I'd like to hear some stories from others- what is self leadership to you? What helps you to get/stay there?
Happy spring- it has even finally reached Minnesota!
Karen
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