This week I went on a school 2-day Spring Celebration field trip with my school. At the end of day 1 I found that I somehow reverted to a "self" I rarely inhabit- very outgoing (for me), talkative, trying to be useful and helpful whenever possible. By evening I realized I was exhausted and very much needed some down time. I also realized I felt lonely in a crowd, like I didn't belong there.
I tried to figure out what that was coming from, as it's a familiar feeling from my past. What I realized was that I had totally neglected all but my extravert/helpful part all day long, and so all the other parts were upset and needy. I took some time by myself (in the bathroom, as I had 2 students rooming in my room!) to write and do a mini meditation. That helped a lot. I began to feel more connected- not only to myself, but to the people around me. I didn't need to talk nonstop to connect with them, I mainly needed to connect with myself first!
The second day we went to an amusement park, and since I felt more whole I was able to sense what I needed. I suggested going on the ferris wheel (my favorite ride) and I ended up in a whole crowd of others who wanted that also. I was even the "brave one" on that ride- it was my native element (I like being above and looking down) while others were more used to roller coasters but didn't like hanging above it all for periods of time. I felt very proud :)
Then I saw there was an IMax movie about waves, and asked a student if she wanted to see it. We both loved the scenery and learning about surfing.
I'm so happy that connecting with myself has such a wonderful byproduct. It was my most enjoyable Spring Celebration ever!
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